Preparing Yourself for Marriage...

 In today's society, we see that marriage is a very important pillar that a lot of people lean towards and an equal amount leans away from. 

It's a commitment between man and woman, not only physically but spiritually. 

It's a long-lasting promise between two human beings to be together for better or for worse, for sickness and for health, for rich and for poorer until death does they part. 

It's a big step in life and one must be fully understanding of this journey before agreeing to such a promise.

Both of the genders, I noticed, look towards marriage in different views. 

Young girls fantasize about their wedding day way before a young man can. 

They think about the color scheme, their hairstyle, venue, and most importantly their dress. 

In men's cases, they think more towards the marriage aspect of it. They surpass the day of the wedding and think about the duration of their life as a married man and if it is for them. 

I want to say that the men's perspective is a better view to have, but in most cases, this outlook is what causes many men to shy from actually getting married. 

When you are preparing yourself for marriage there are many things you must look at. Many things you must take into consideration. 

Disclaimer: I am not an expert marriage counselor, but I can tell you the steps that I went through in hopes for you to see and possibly use as pillars. 

1. Spiritual

When it comes to committing to lifelong partners, it is quite necessary to make sure that the person that you spend it with is spiritually yours. 

You can do so by asking God to show you that if this person is the one.

 Are they not only physically capable of being there for you but most importantly spiritually aware to protect and assist you? 

We often see a good person with good qualities and dub them 'the One', but they may not necessarily be spiritually equipped to match you. 

Are they compatible with you spiritually?

Do they serve the same God as you?

Are they spiritually inclined to sense out things that may be attacking you spiritually?

Are they able to fight on your behalf?

These are the things you must look for spiritually in a partner. To do so, seek God's presence and listen out for His answer. 

2. Mentally

Before I got married, my mentality was one of a single person. I acted, thought, and understood things as a single person. 

When preparing myself to take on this journey, that mentality had to go. 

I no longer could have thought about myself first, but I had to put my spouse before me. 

One of the pieces of advice I got before my wedding was, "Marriage is about putting yourself second" 

I didn't understand nor liked it at first, but I realized that no one would actually be second if both spouses are putting the other first. 

Mentally you must be ready to become selfless. 

You won't be able to go ahead and cook or buy food for only you anymore. 

Speak on behalf of yourself anymore. 

Represent on behalf of yourself anymore. 

Care for just yourself anymore. You are now cosigned to your partner. 

You must be ready to not only hear their dreams but work towards achieving their dreams with them. 

You must now be considerate of their feelings and what you do that may affect them. 

3. Finances

I've learned that money has ruined many marriages alongside communication. 

Many persons step into marriages unstable financially in hopes that their marriage would make it stable, only for it to make it even more fragile. 

In the past, men are often seen as the breadwinners of the house. They were the ones that brought home the money and paid the bills. In recent times, we have seen that this role has been switched or even blurred in some homes.

My advice would be to sit down with your partner and really discuss your financial situation.  Write down your bills and how you can budget them. 

If one person is working in the household, then the other must do their best to make that load as light as possible. There shouldn't be foolish spending and unnecessary bills. 

If you have a spending problem, then you must work on that now before you get married because it will not change when you receive a ring. 

It's okay to take those first 5 years in your marriage to build your checkbook. 

You don't have to vacation, to upload pictures and show the world that you are living. 

You don't have to purchase a new car if not necessary. 

Take your time and build your kingdom because later down the line it will flourish into something beautiful. 

Ladies, I intrigue you to read Proverbs 31 and see just how important your role is. 

4. Communication 

Communication is indeed important. 

I am a writer, therefore I am exceptional in writing and texting to express myself, but I learned before getting married and during counseling that verbally, my communication skills were not up to par. 

This was something I had to work on the hardest because if I was unable to relay my feelings verbally and in a way that my spouse can understand, it would lead to many misunderstandings. 

When communicating, it must not be just about talking but it is sincerely about listening. Not only listening to respond either but listening to completely understand your partner. 

If you want to express your feelings, do so without anger or fear, but with a calm demeanor and on settled grounds. 

"It's not what you say, but how you say it" 

Avoid calling each other out of your names or titles. Prevent yourself from speaking out of anger and avoid even more from not speaking at all. 

Even now in your engagement, work on the way you speak to and about each other. 

The person you are marrying is not just someone special, but they are you. 

A representation of you. 

Treat them, speak to and with them, the way you would like to be spoken to. 

And, say no to silent treatments. Find a way to speak to one another where you both can comprehend in the end. 

Bonus: Once you comprehend your partner's feelings or opinion, act on it. Show them that you have heard and are working to correct it. 

5. Do Not Compromise

Lastly, but not all of it, do not settle because you fear this is your only chance. 

God indeed knows your heart and he knows what is best for you. He will not give you something that he knows isn't worthy of you or not the best for you. 

You may feel like your window has passed or that you've been waiting for too long, but I am here to tell you to continue to trust in God for the One. 

Don't compromise your morals, just so you can quench your sexual desires. 

Don't settle just because you want to shut up the gossippers around you. They are going to keep talking regardless. 

Marriage is not just a simple relationship. 

It is where the two become one flesh. 

It must be well thought about and thought through. 

I know that many have taken the importance of marriage and reduced it from something to just a beautiful wedding and a great venue, but it is so much more than that. 

Let's make marriages virtuous again. 

It's not just about the wedding day, it's about the many days after that!

~TheRay